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Introduction:

  I am a woman that never married, but my life is not without meaning. I hope to travel these pages with you as I try to make sense of a life of thoughts. I was not aware for years the influences that would take hold of me and mould me into a spiritual being of thoughts and awareness.

  First comes a lost soul, then suffering with a purpose, letting go and finally a transforming union. The supernatural forces are everywhere hoping someone pays heed to what they are saying. I would become aware of thoughts, my surroundings in a new light and the people and creatures I share this life with.

  I started out blind and now even though still blind, my soul has come to life. Spring forth in newness and wonder beating your breast against a hard stone, as the honey seeps through the cracks giving rise to a new birth. I was but one in a mass of ideas waiting to come forth like the dawn and cementing my cause in the graves of those before me.

  It is my hope to take you through my mind of madness and make you aware of the supernatural that awakes to your call. May this journey make all of us more aware of what each spirit can do. Let the journey begin.

  A man found that special pearl and considered all his other belongings as dust. He changed his priorities and found peace.

  What Thoughts Are Our Own? In the mist do we see clearly? Do our thoughts cause us torment? Is our mind one mass of confusion? What helps us find focus?

  The long nights. The cloudy days. We trudge through this world all alone in a haze. These thoughts we call our own. We act as if we have the control. We do not recognize the divine , nor the darkness that fills our soul .

  This darkness enters our mind. We explore the depths. Then we call upon the divine to heal us of reality based on self.

  Reality is the divine and our self is the darkness of time. The erosion may be from the darkness and the love from above.

  So any thoughts come from spirits. We are just the vessel of these wounded and transcendental beings . The larger scheme is beyond our focus.

  We know only that which we can handle and even this much causes our minds to buckle. We get not our strength of our own accord, but that spirit which guides us to the realm of reality.

  In that quiet moment of reflection ponder if your thoughts are your own and what is real. Then go beyond your thoughts to a place of no thoughts and discover the truth of letting go.

  In this moment of quiet God is the ultimate being of origin. He shall give us the thoughts of healing and we shall be as one.

  The confusion is of spirits, including your own that is unaware of the truth. Once God enters clarity prevails and we are on our way home.

  A man found that special pearl and considered all his other belongings as dust. By Janet Gillooly He changed his priorities and found peace.

  This is part of a spiritual book that I am writing.

  I walk in a world of darkness, where the light is hidden. I must walk through this darkness, in order to draw towards the light. Weep for the God who made us. Then we must weep for others. We are a part of the others.

  This light brings peace and freedom. We belong to a world of love. This love does not need many words, but we just need to embrace it.

  It will yield to us and bend us in a shape that is foreign to us. We will at first be afraid, but then as we bend, it will comfort us in God's rays.

  This light is the shadow of God, for we could not bare to see his total image. We would die of sorrow not to be with him. Our wounds are but marks of his love for us. This pain strips us away of pride.

  Dawn comes every morning, but we do not know if we will arise. We want this light in fullness, but God 's rays move in us slowly, teaching us to pray. Growth is the gift we receive and we share God's light with many.

  Mercy is as mercy does. We need to stay near the light to be complete. This light is sweet and divine. It only takes a little time. Our wounds close and then open again. Our heart, this wound opens like a flower, but then again it burns like a bright fire.

  Wind and Rain beat at our door. We are not afraid, for we are not alone. We have the light of God inside. Our heart is what helps our house stand.

  We but need his love. This love empowers us to grow. We love with a love beyond us. It is a gift we are freely given and what we must return.

  Raise your eyes and bend your knees. You are at the garden gate of his majesty. No foul language is spoken here, no hate is known. His power and love demand respect.

  He does not need us, but wants to free us. Walk in his way and do not take it lightly . We are here for but a moment and then that moment is gone. Love and draw close to him now, before the evening draws nigh.

  "It is better to desire to lead a good life, rather than a long one."

  Glory to God

  Lord let me praise and give you glory day and night. Let me not grow lazy in fulfilling this mission. Holy Holy Lord. Glory be to God.

  Use me to be your glory alone. Let me become your glory and praise. Use my voice to sing your glory and use my fingers to write your words of glory.

  Help me realize that my own life is but your life to give you glory. Let not my own desires, deter from giving you glory. Use my soul and body to be your life of calvary and glory. Let me be your likeness and in this you reign in this world and this world gives you glory.

  Let me praise you in my prayers and let my soul be your song. I do not wish anything but to be your red carpet, for you are king and I lay a path for you to reign in my heart and soul.

  Let me welcome you Father, Lord and Holy Spirit to feel at home in my heart. Let not my own sufferings, joys or desires be in vain for my own glory. Praise be to you God. You are the glory of the world and my life. I offer you glory and thanksgiving for using me as your glory. Glory be to God in the highest. Let my soul not be at the bottom of the heap in giving you glory by doing your will. Amen.

  Janet- Marie - A part of the Trinity Family.

  Sin Or Bondage

  Why did I keep a thorn in the side of a certain leader of my church? What was this thorn? I wanted to teach him compassion, forgiveness, mercy and not to judge anyone who feels trapped in a sin. I wanted him to learn more how to pray and to lean on me for everything. I wanted him to give me all the glory for any change I made in his life.

  I do not answer prayers the way you think I should. If someone is smug about an accomplishment and does not give me the glory, they are bound to repeat this sin again. How quickly one will forget the real lesson I am trying to teach. A dog will not go back to his vomit if he is trained properly. How many times will someone puff themself up and again forget where the glory belongs.

  I give mercy to whom I give mercy. I am justice and if that person refuses to show mercy in return for my blessing unto them, whether it be someone they do not like does not matter, it will bring about the same result. The divine law of love broken shall have a price for everyone.

  I dwell in a humble heart, who does not boast, nor snub those who have not been freed from bondage. I may leave a cross in a life to keep them humble and to lean on my mercy. Each spirit has different areas, but the general theme is the same. I let you know of me little by little, but do not set yourself up to play God. I lift up the humble and bring down low the proud and haughty of spirit.

  I give everyone certain gifts, but if they are used for the wrong motive or gain the gift will not give me the glory as it should. Everything you say and do matters to me and yet you will not be kind to your own. You neglect them and yet claim you are loving. It is easy to have compassion for someone far off that you never see, but what about your neighbor who is close?

  Sin means you are human. You must do your part, but I am in control of the rest. Do not give up the fight with your struggles, for you will have your reward.

  It is not so much the things that come easy to you that I am proud of, but the fact you try so hard, with the things you seem not to be able to control. For you do the things you do not wish to do, when you wanted to do everything so differently.

>   Some will have temptation after temptation all their life, where as some, will not. I know what each soul needs to reach the state they desire. If you have not a certain desire then pray and it will be given you. I will not deny any who want my love.

  It is the struggle I reward. I reward those who try to overcome their sinful nature with meditation. Prayer fights the enemy and the dark side. Some will change without prayer, but the change will have little reward. They are seeking their own power, not my

  power, which is empty.

  Suffering is due to sin, but through my love you shall suffer for the sake of my kingdom. Your suffering shall be a blessing and it will not be a judgement. I came to bring salvation, healing and division. I am the truth, so you must ask yourself are you with me or against me? Take heart I am merciful and I do not want any to perish. I love the whole world.

  Love,

  Jesus

  Heart and Soul

  I want you to know my heart and soul. This is the deepest part of my life. It was the deepest part, when I lived among you. I have only love to give you. One with you shall I reign.

  I shall cause wonders to bring out your beauty. You shall love me totally and please me. I shall whisper the secrets of my heart to you and my soul will reveal the life I give you. It does not take money, for my gift is free.

  My gift shall cleanse you of all rags and in place of these rags will be a garment of white. This garment shall glow in the dark and the pure light will shine in the darkness. The light will shock and delight you in a world of love and purity.

  I bring you into my soul of peace and solitude. Here shall you know all truth. The Virgin shall guide you back to the Rosary, but here at night shall you be in my heart and soul of peace and love. This prayer will mould you and help you to seek me in all things.

  I have so much joy in loving you and knowing you love me. We will travel this road together and you shall discover all my love. My love is the answer for everything and no hate is here. You shall marvel at my wondrous deeds and I give you a rose for each kiss I bring you.

  A path of roses shall follow you everywhere and then you will fall at my feet. You shall kiss my feet and weep tears of joy at this sight. My love will overwhelm you into weeping and peace shall reign in your heart always. You shall know the true meaning of my love and my light shall surround you .

  I do not say these things lightly and my word is the key to life. Do not worry for you are in a world of the supernatural and my mystic powers are at work as I speak. I told you once what each color meant and now soon you shall know the meaning and true beauty of color. White is my light which is the original color. I am the true artist of each gift I give others. There is so much for you to learn. I give you my love and all else shall follow.

  Do not worry what to say, for my words shall pour forth into your heart and soul. I am the heart and soul of everyone and everything. I take one word and plant it within you and there shall you grow a garden. Your garden is my love and there shall you know me. We shall always have this quiet time, but even during your day we are always together. I shall wait for your return to my garden and there shall you be without need.

  Honesty

  The first level of honesty is shallow. You look in the mirror, but do not like what you see, so you run from it. You look at others flaws and this is your mirror.

  The second level of honesty is a little awareness, but not enough to take root. You fancy yourself further then you are. You live in a dream world and get angry when faced with the truth about yourself. You have hope at this stage. Anger is a sign of progression if this anger heals.

  The third level of honesty is knowing every little thing about yourself and wanting to change but you feel not in control to change the thi ngs that really matter to you. You are very gentle at this stage no longer wounded, but confident in God's love for you. You are more sure of the progress you have made. You do not feel satisfied like you want, because you know the things you have not changed.

  Your life is action. Action in changing and doing it. You know God is in control, but you feel helpless to change your part. You rely on God's mercy and grace.

  The fourth level which we all want to reach is the change is done. You are working with God, but the changes have come as a result of peeling off each layer of the onion. God as revealed every level to you and now the action is complete. You feel in control, because God has taken you there. Now you know on all levels what God has done for you. You have decreased and God has increased to the level of perfection.

  Freedom

  I have covered many of these same subjects in my poetry. There is nothing original in

  this material, but I hope you will be patient with me. These things are worth repeating. Honesty is a very important topic which I will cover later.

  My spiritual walk has been the most personal to me and intimate. If it had not been for God, the saints and angels I would not be here. The Catholic church has been my steady rock. Life with God can be hard enough, but without him it would be impossible.

  There are times when things feel too real or not real enough such as death. Jesus helps me balance my life, and stay sane. Every step of the way I have felt him close to me. I do not mean that I always feel him, but my faith helps me in times of doubt.

  Angels are so neglected and misunderstood. If we could just for a moment call them to our side, we might become more aware of their majestic beauty and power. They guide and protect us in more ways than we know. I think people would have more experiences with angels if they just talk to them. This of course includes God and the saints.

  I have had my share of experiences, but when you talk about such things with certain others they think you are bragging, delusional or just jealous. People are at ease telling how a concert made them feel, but when it comes to God it gets more complicated. It is good to only tell a few, for you do not want to throw your pearls before swines. We cannot open our hearts to everyone for such is a fool. People are more quick to judge without all of the facts.

  I look back on my life and realize there were quite a few times when angels literally saved my life. God could do his work alone but he chose us, angels and saints. I have found St. Michael to be of the greatest aide. He is at the head of the army fighting the dark side and fighting for us.

  I have prayed for many and many things. I think when we get to heaven we will see what our prayers have done. I prayed for Padre Pio to become a saint, along with many others and our prayers have been answered. I have recently made him my patron saint and I have seen his power. I have known about him for quite some time, but I think I appreciate him a lot more than I use to. I talk to him every night now and I see the healing he has done for some of my friends.

  There is so much more I could say, but I am just writing what I feel guided to say. Jesus is helping me write, along with Thomas Merton. Thomas Merton I do hope you will become a saint. You wrote books with such understanding about the spiritual and human nature. Mark Twain said people who are trying to get to heaven, keep trying to progress and if that is not hell I don't know what is.

  Thomas Merton- " When we find our vocation - thought and life are one." Now work no longer interferes with prayer or prayer with work ."

  Prayer is a relationship, but it is also an art one must study and learn. Time spent is not wasted but it may seem that way when we do not get what we want, when we want it. We want it now, we want it our way and we want no suffering. This is not heaven, but we can find contentment.

  There are many forms of prayer and each has helped me to draw closer to the Lord. I want to talk of prayer in detail, but for now I just want to say how prayer is helpful. The most obvious is we are not alone and there is life after death.

  We find peace in prayer, love and mercy. We gain great knowledge about God, humanity and our spiritual self. Our prayers are answered and this increases our faith in God. God remains a mystery, but he gives us glimpses of his truth. We may not understand everything, but
some day everything will come to light. He gives us freedom of choice so we are not his robots.

  God remains the same, but we grow as we draw closer to the divine rays of his grace. He is a personal God, not some foreign object in the sky. Times we feel close and at other times we feel distant from him. Prayer helps our imaginations, our psychic ability and our gut sense of what is right. God brings magic into our lives, where once there was none. He fills our days with purpose and gives our lives meaning.

  We share and empty ourselves every day, but God replenishes our lack of energy, so we may cope with each new day. He knows us better than we do or anyone else and this can be a comfort. We may not get the recognition here in this plane, but in the next everything shall shine forth into the open. Truth shall not be hidden like this darkness the world is in at the moment.

  Each time we pray for someone else the energy is sent quickly into the atmosphere and at that moment everything changes. Praying for someone is the most powerful thing you will ever do. We fight the powers of darkness and cover over our sins with love. This renewal is what we should live for and God rewards the ever faithful.

  Listen not to the enemy who will do anything to thwart your prayers. Success to me is praying. If you do nothing else as the world thinks you should do, do this! This is an everlasting success. It is really the only thing that counts in the end. Loving the Lord is the most important and loving others as yourself. Prayer brings about the right atmosphere to produce true love and change.

  Thomas Merton- " When is suffering useless?" My words in summary are when we only feel sorry for ourselves, when love turns into hatred, which in turn reduces everything to fear.

  Dreams are a very important element in understanding yourself and the universe. If you spend time with dreams just like anything else they can bear fruit. Dreams have various interpretations.

  Indians spent long hours in meditation, visions, stories and dreams. They had a little help with drug induced visions, but I prefer the power of God. Indians were one with nature. I am sure many Indians today carry on traditions. You might find the movie Dream keeper helpful.

  I suggest you read Jung to understand dreams. One book that covers everything about dreams is "Dreamwork for the Soul" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley. Find a group that discusses dreams and get a partner you can call to discuss your dreams.

  Dreams can predict the future for yourself, others or even a world event. Dreams let you know your state of growth and any universal meaning may be attached. There is no one set way to look at dreams. Dreams make you more aware of your sub-conscience than when awake.

  I believe many people travel in their dreams and not even know it. They talk to people in the spiritual realm. This knowledge even if not remembered on a conscience level is remembered enough to help you on your journey. I mean by traveling in your dream

  you can actually physically be somewhere or it may just be your spirit. I believe a lot of times when we experience deja vu, it is because we have dreamed it. If you believe in reincarnation then that could be a possibility for you also.

  I have found dream work very helpful in my own life. I believe dreams are a form of prayer. In dreams God many times is talking to you directly through your dreams.

  Prayer and dreams put you more in touch with psychic experiences. These experiences are really very natural, but get lost for as a society, we concentrate more on doing than being. Being does not just involve who we are as an individual, but being one with nature, God and others. No action is void of the power of God. Everything is subject to God.

  If you have problems remembering dreams just ask the Holy Spirit to help you remember more dreams. Every dream you remember is significant. Every book chooses you, so every dream comes forward to teach. Some Indians might say that dreams lead you toward the red road. The right road for all of us is that which leads to God and achieves his goals which are for the greater glory for all.

  "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

  Awakenings occur in dreams, spiritual experiences, which usually come to us when we are ready. The teacher appears when the student is ready. Usually some truth we are to know has on some level already revealed itself to us, but now the fish is ready to be reeled in.

  I had an experience with honesty about me. I was driving and suddenly my life was before my eyes. This was not visual, but just a thought process. I could feel the power of God upon me. Honesty about myself is no longer shocking or hard to admit. This was another layer of the onion that I had already begun to peel. I now know how people feel that say their life flashed before their eyes, when death is near .

  Each awareness is a type of death. Death to our old self and more in touch with the divine . Our divine self is just waiting for another opportunity of loving power. We know things that our human self would not normally know . I knew my dad was going to die the night before, for I had a feeling and a dream. I knew my brother would be next to go in the family. I knew when one of his dogs was going to die. God revealed these things to me. Sometimes God prepares us for something to make it a little easier.

  Awakenings can be prophetic or usually aimed at revealing the truth. Honesty is one of the most important aspects in getting closer to God. God reveals what he wants us to know. One change or one leader can send waves of change all over the universe. Yes, each of you are that important. No life is valueless. One life can touch so many.

  A book can profoundly change one. A conversation between two can be a turning point. Everything is a message from the divine and to our divinity. Boredom would not exist if we all truly knew how the supernatural is close at work here. They are not separate, even though we are not always aware.

  I think people would be more open to experiences is they did not have fear or rejected it because it was not the religious norm. My cat can astral-project. Now this is not quote a Catholic term like bi-locate . Does this mean it is evil? I say no. I have a lot of my visions with my eyes closed. My cat appeared before me while I was in bed. I felt my cat's presence. I knew the cat would bond with me and she wanted to be in the room with me. The next night she was in the room with me. This was when she was still new. I saw her before that quite a few times with my eyes closed. I was not asleep. I also had this type of experience with an angel and a friend. I felt the angel and heard her fly away. If this sounds crazy you need to either pray more or be more open to God.

  I am Catholic, but I do get irritated that they seem to have a code of what terms they will allow. I am talking about the ultra-conservative who think anything out of their scope is of the devil. I am teary of getting involved with certain things, but we should not label everything as evil, just because we are ignorant of it. People call the Catholic Church, the Anti-Christ without really doing any research. I am not saying to be open to everything, but just be open. We should challenge our narrow views from time to time like a monthly oil change. If you get closer to the truth and closer to God you are on the right track.

  I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust